The title alone for this one probably raised a few eyebrows. Last week I went to Youth camp and I meant to blog everyday but found myself so caught up in just being there and being with God that I didn't really have the desire to do that. I now understand why.
God has been doing some tweaking to my personality and character. This has involved letting my guard way down and destroying some of my best held defenses. Such as being right. I know... It has taken years for me to be able to say something with so much certainty that even I don't know the difference between if it's assumed, made up, or truly factual. Well, all of that is about to change or is in the process of changing... Phrases like "I don't know", "Let me think about that", and "Let me find that out and get back to you" are suddenly making commonplace entrance into my conversations. I joke but it really has been a good thing. Oh... where was I going with this? OH YEAH! (".....Squirrel!" moment), the tweaking has led my heart to catch on and adopt this wait and absorb policy before I immediately vomit all that I am thinking, feeling, experiencing. Now I know that if you were me and reading this (which I happen to be) you would be thinking well what if you miss out on something because you didn't blog about it? Well, I have two answers, "I don't know" and "let me think about that and get back to you." The real question is will I be able to fully grasp the impact those two phrases alone will make on my integrity. Integrity? oh yea the title of my blog finally coming into play. It's good to know the right direction.
Back to the title of this blog, and why the tangent about me not blogging is actually related, so I amchanging maturing and as I mature I have found that I don't enjoy the clutter that is hiding that still small voice. It's like hoping to hear your headphones through several other walls of sound. So, I am putting my headphones in my ears and turning off the other sounds. Leading to ridding myself of as much background noise as I can so that the distractions are few and the Opportunities for listening are many.
My brother astounds me, we go to camp and the last night there we are worshipping and he and I hug and are praying for each other in the midst of worship and he starts crying which makes me start crying and says something like you are my brother, my best friend, and my accountability. He could have stopped there and I would have probably been pretty content but then the most prophetic thing happened and not prophetic like tell the future but prophetic like "this is what it looks like" moment. He says, "Even when I don't act like it and when I don't want to hear it or be around you I love you and I know you love me". I've had a few days to think about this moment and realized how often is that my cry to Jesus. Even though I'm weak and messed up I know you love me and I love you too. I somehow get gripped by these moments of "how will I know that I'm living like Jesus?" and this was such an encouraging moment. I mess up more than he knows and I know that I am not perfected but even still he knows I love him and better yet he loves me too. That verse in proverbs about there being a friend that sticks closer than a brother, I am so excited, now that I can fully recognize how close my brother sticks to me. So we get home and less than two days later he comes to me and says, "I got rid of my computer games, they are useless..." I said, "Cool". Considering for the past two years I've watched him struggle with being addicted and reclusive because of them I am excited for the change this will bring. It's the beginning of a new season and my brother is along for the ride. He is becoming aware of things of the spirit more and more everyday. It's funny how alike we are in mannerisms, but also that God is putting him in such a similar position as I was about 3 years ago to be radically matured into being kingdom minded. Hopefully, I can help him be more attentive than I was.
God has been doing some tweaking to my personality and character. This has involved letting my guard way down and destroying some of my best held defenses. Such as being right. I know... It has taken years for me to be able to say something with so much certainty that even I don't know the difference between if it's assumed, made up, or truly factual. Well, all of that is about to change or is in the process of changing... Phrases like "I don't know", "Let me think about that", and "Let me find that out and get back to you" are suddenly making commonplace entrance into my conversations. I joke but it really has been a good thing. Oh... where was I going with this? OH YEAH! (".....Squirrel!" moment), the tweaking has led my heart to catch on and adopt this wait and absorb policy before I immediately vomit all that I am thinking, feeling, experiencing. Now I know that if you were me and reading this (which I happen to be) you would be thinking well what if you miss out on something because you didn't blog about it? Well, I have two answers, "I don't know" and "let me think about that and get back to you." The real question is will I be able to fully grasp the impact those two phrases alone will make on my integrity. Integrity? oh yea the title of my blog finally coming into play. It's good to know the right direction.
Back to the title of this blog, and why the tangent about me not blogging is actually related, so I am
My brother astounds me, we go to camp and the last night there we are worshipping and he and I hug and are praying for each other in the midst of worship and he starts crying which makes me start crying and says something like you are my brother, my best friend, and my accountability. He could have stopped there and I would have probably been pretty content but then the most prophetic thing happened and not prophetic like tell the future but prophetic like "this is what it looks like" moment. He says, "Even when I don't act like it and when I don't want to hear it or be around you I love you and I know you love me". I've had a few days to think about this moment and realized how often is that my cry to Jesus. Even though I'm weak and messed up I know you love me and I love you too. I somehow get gripped by these moments of "how will I know that I'm living like Jesus?" and this was such an encouraging moment. I mess up more than he knows and I know that I am not perfected but even still he knows I love him and better yet he loves me too. That verse in proverbs about there being a friend that sticks closer than a brother, I am so excited, now that I can fully recognize how close my brother sticks to me. So we get home and less than two days later he comes to me and says, "I got rid of my computer games, they are useless..." I said, "Cool". Considering for the past two years I've watched him struggle with being addicted and reclusive because of them I am excited for the change this will bring. It's the beginning of a new season and my brother is along for the ride. He is becoming aware of things of the spirit more and more everyday. It's funny how alike we are in mannerisms, but also that God is putting him in such a similar position as I was about 3 years ago to be radically matured into being kingdom minded. Hopefully, I can help him be more attentive than I was.
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