We have entered week 3 of the obtaining my job at starbucks process and it has been a slow and steady race thus far. I have had two interviews, purchased three coffees I can't really afford, and made five personal visits. I am so close I can taste it but the process isn't over just yet. That final call that says please come in for training. Waiting it is a key element to persistence, a key element of diligence, without it I'm just pushing with no time to hold for reaction.
Psalm 119:40
Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me through Your righteousness.
Longing....ta'ab in the Hebrew, means to desire, to wait for.
This morning some amazing things happened:
1. I woke up fully rested.
2. I found my headphones, in the grass, unscathed... These are $25 headphones that I had replaced about 2 months ago thinking these were lost. This was a great blessing because I had already lost the cheap pair I bought to replace them.. I know irresponsible but a blessing nonetheless.
3. First time in months that I actually was able to sing and play in the prayer room for a set. This has more to do with the condition of my heart than it does with my ability as a musician. Yesterday, the conclusion was laid before me that if I was going to be leading worship for others using my voice and guitar than I needed to lead my own heart there first.
I feel revived. I am only really alive because of His righteousness anyway. My heart is positioned for what He has for me today. Now I know that I am by no means perfect and even in a redeemed state I find myself struggling to maintain any semblance of righteousness in my attitude. It takes me hours to be in a prepared state to hear from God and as mature as I see myself as I struggle to not get derailed from that state. Frustration is my biggest enemy, I find myself getting emotionally derailed from hearing from God simply because I let the world around seep into my heart. This is unacceptable, I keep recognizing this concept that was introduced to me about my inner experiences being unable to support my outer collapses and I just realized that this is because God is trying to get my attention that this is the state I am in. I cannot simply rely on focus to get me to that state, it might just take experiencing these frustrations to build perseverance through them to get to the state of constant diligence and that may take a while. I might just have to wait it out.
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