Diligence takes....Motion

I started at Starbucks yesterday and, among other things, I felt prepared. This was not due to me doing any outside training or research, although I had done those things in previous weeks, this was due to one thing Prayer and renewal of my mind. I used a capital P on purpose because if God is the god then Prayer is the prayer when it is to God. All of the grammatical skills in my body tell me this is probably improper but for the time being I am going to set that aside to focus on this. I thought I was focused on Prayer, I mean I am interning at a "prayer center" how much more focused towards prayer can you be? Or so I thought. I am focused on prayer just not Prayer. What's the difference you ask? Prayer is intentional, purposed, and mostly Mostly listening. The funny thing is prayer, as defined by the dictionary, is a devout petition to god or some object of worship. At least that is the first definition, the second sounds more like Prayer to me, a spiritual communion with God as in supplication, thanksgiving, adoration, or confession, even the dictionary capitalized God on this one. I have done plenty of prayer in the past three years asking for stuff and for my heart to change and while I believe that it wasn't in vain because I have seen the fruit of it, I might have just missed out on some stuff along the way as well. I have spent time in Prayer but that constant communion and being provoked to act because of it well that is another story. I know my thinking isn't "normal" for a twentysomething and I take some solace in that. I know this because I have talked to many men who are much older than me with many more years of wisdom and knowledge then I have and they made the comment to me that, "If I was thinking like you are when I was in my twenty's or even now I would be better off" I understand the encouragement in this statement and I've been kind of camping on this thought for a while now but I am not satisfied with the way I think and if I still think the same way in 20 years I hope someone has the decency to slap me for standing still for so long. I have a want and a desire to know God as intimately on this Earth as possible or even as impossibly as I can but I lack the motion to put behind it.


    I think people "want to" do things all the time but their flesh and their heart are imbalanced and because of such their wings are clipped so-to speak. We require both the heart to desire and the flesh to move. Without balance though the forceful nature of our movement out rules our desires and we become busy or, and I literally just shuddered when I thought of this, comfortable. We are born with an imbalance between the two and so it looks as though our hearts are evil but as with anything that isn't well balanced it is really that we aren't healthy. The Holy Spirit gives us the opportunity to restore such a balance through the means of communion with the creator but it is not an easy road by any means. The concept is probably the simplest idea we have ever been able to fathom though, "reset your entire mind to think a new way that you yourself cannot create." This is simple in theory because its like throwing out an old appliance to replace it with one that has the same basic functions but without any faults. What we do though is replace parts until it is all new and that is one way to do it but really it would be simpler to just replace all at once. Our struggle lies with the investment of time and things we value. Because this will take time to learn how to use properly by reading instructions and will take giving up everything we have to get the new one. So the difficult part lies in execution of those two things while maintaining life because if given a year to spend reprogramming yourself and giving up everything we hold onto we still couldn't accomplish it, I couldn't anyway. I'm still too selfish to want to change everything about myself all at once and take a year to do it...Another blog is brewing so lets get back to movement though. We should always be in movement, not that we need to be busy... busyness is the counterfeit of true movement in my eyes. Now, when I say moving don't get it confused with just moving for the sake of moving that is what busyness is, I mean true movement, Obedience, when we can say I am joining God to accomplish His will while I wait for Him to grant me the desires of my heart or better yet merge mine with His.  Even if you are at rest you are gaining potential energy towards something but be fully at rest then regain your strength don't just say you are at rest. Rest, restoration.... something about that word has been in my mind for a few days. My shoulder has been in pain for a couple of days now because of unknown reasons and I can't stop trying to stretch it and hope it feels better when what I really need is probably to rest it so it can heal in proper time. Patience isn't just something that is a good idea it is crucial and just because you are waiting for the next move or for something to bear fruit doesn't mean that you stop moving. God is always at work, He doesn't need any single one of us but out of reciprocal love we should desire to join Him. I know that is why I was born with the desire to work alongside those I love is because My Father gave that to me. It is part of Him, He comes alongside us and works with us in our broken states to provide for us even when we want to take the credit.


I struggle with maintaining pace. I am a sprinter when it comes to most things I will exert all my energy on the front end then relax and take my time then realize I need to finish and sprint to the end just so I don't finish in last place. I managed to let my mind be programmed this way so that I could maintain laziness without looking lazy. I know, impressive isn't it. For those of you that know me well this is not my heart at all. In my heart I am calculating what it would take to do things well to start and finish at the same pace with a result that says I did my absolute best. Then, my flesh chimes in with, "we could do that easier just start running with everything you have and see how far you get then we can figure out our next move while we rest." This causes my heart to lose ground and hope in it's plans and by the time it gets back control it is about to be passed by another runner and quickly allows itself to sprint to the finish. Now I don't always make it to the finish line in time, or period. There are things that I have pursued and am pursuing that I may have sprinted into only to not finish. This is not acceptable any longer for myself. 





For anyone who reads this and thinks that I don't take my own words to be true this is my reminder. I am only writing these things for my benefit with the hope that anyone else who reads this blog is also provoked and moreover given confirmation by my words.