Diligence takes....Real integrity

I was talking to someone the other day who was telling me that integrity is when what you say is exactly what you do. When doing good isn't solely based on a good idea. Another definition is an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting; Psalm 23. I shall not want... those words echo in my mind. Here's the deal, I've been holding back. I thought I was being completely honest with myself but I wasn't and if I'm not honest with myself then I'll never be completely honest with everyone else. I struggle with respecting my mother, I know I should and I know that the way I talk to her should show that love and respect but like everyone else that I converse with I find myself needing to be completely intentional about it and I despise this about myself. I am not complete, I am not undivided, I am broken, and I want. Oh do I want. I know that this is crucial, I want to be part of a family, I want to have my own family, and none of this will come in completeness with integrity unless I can respect my mother, among other things but this is where I am right now.

So let me get some word behind me....Ephesians 6:1-3; Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right (I think I do a pretty good job at this part but integrity is an undivided completeness so lets move on). "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment accompanied by a promise, namely, "that it may go well with you and that you will live a long time on the earth.” Which that promise is found twice in the old testament Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. Well if it was repeated thrice then it must be crucial. Matthew 15:4 says,"Whoever insults his parents should be put to death." Which means I could die or not live very long if I keep this up. Matthew 19:19 couples loving your neighbor and honoring your parents. I would say this is coincidence but I am quite certain that coincidence doesn't happen.

So in truth, in full integrity I must honor my parents. What does that mean? Well the greek word timao is the word used and that means,"to set a fixed value for something." So I must set a fixed value for my parents? That sounds easy enough. So, just browsing through Proverbs I find that it is life and death that my heart change on this matter sooner rather than later. It isn't pretty. I need something that I can use though that will allow me to always remember this I am searching for word that isn't about me getting eaten by vultures for disrespecting my mom. I want to do this out of love not fear. Proverbs 23:25 is simple, "May your father and mother have joy, may the one who bore you rejoice" and 31:28 "her children rise up and call her blessed."
I think I can stand on these. Mom I love you.