Day 5

Again I fail... with an attempt at something without even trying to being conscious of it most of the day I failed miserably but I will not give up. The facebook/twitter thing has become second nature I wake up and that desire has already fled because it holds no power over me. Last night was probably the biggest test of my tongue holding exercise. I feel as though I failed, even if it was better it was not complete. Completion is what I desire not just improvement. So I will continue to do this exercise as well. Also I was watching a movie and it just didn't sit right for me to be watching it. It was Predator, and while there isn't any sexual content the language was painful for my ears to listen to so my selectiveness to movies is going to have to increase. This whole shift in how much I censor the media from affecting me is becoming increasingly more vast yet easier.

On to other topics....

Ever wake up with a song in your heart that you aren't really sure where it came from? Then you go searching for what the song is and that task becomes your focus so much that the words that were in your heart in the first place become secondary. I woke up with this song called White as Snow by Jon Foreman(which at the time I didn't know)in my head. The lyrics of the song are Psalm 51 but he uses the lines:

Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?
Restore in me the joy of your salvation
Would you create in me a clean heart, oh God?
Restore in me the joy of your salvation

And I found myself singing that over and over again until I found the whole song to listen to it but that didn't satisfy me because I was simply fixated on that chorus and that's all I wanted to hear in the first place.

I say all this to say that I was so busy searching out how to challenge myself I forgot that "be set apart" was what this all began with. So God, this is my formal apology and today marks a shift.
Set me apart God, more than anyone on this Earth just don't do it all at once unless you have to. I sang it over and over again yesterday that I want to be holy but more than that I want to be wholly yours. If holiness was all I was after then I might as well just stop now because that means nothing if I am not intimate with the one who has made me holy. Restore in me the joy of the salvation that you have given me freely. The eternal cry of your son that screams we were worth saving. How can I be insecure about myself when the Son of God thought that I was worth dying for to save? I cannot. So, let me boast in the Lord who has cleansed my heart and renewed my strength time and time again. I was about to write how if only I knew this years ago that it could have saved me pain and depression but that isn't true because my heart was not in the position to receive this message. I was not in a state of mind or emotion to know the depth at which He has called us to be set apart. Its that stomach-churning feeling that I've gotten in bursts without knowing why for years. I finally can recognize it. That is my flesh responding to the spirit and its grown painfully stronger. I can no longer endure for the sake of my friends but I must choose to be consistently fervent in all I do. I must allow my Spirit to live freely without the need to quench it. Without the need to silence the pain that grows within me when I witness and allow things into my mind that I have been called to be set apart from. What does that look like? I have only this for now, if its hurting me its hurting Him. So on that alone I will stand set apart and my arms may fall but the Lord will send my Caleb and Joshua soon enough. Or my armor bearer so that as I walk my enemy falls before me and they will put them to death. Purity is not an option we can afford to miss out on. The day is upon us where the line will be invisible and discernment will be the most necessary gift we have. I am not willing to let the world cloud my judgement any longer.

For those of you who know me, You know I struggle with living up to the word which God has spoken to me. For this reason I am calling you out to hold me accountable and to join me in truly contending against sin not just abstaining but defeating entirely. I've often thought of what Jesus meant when he said we will do greater things than him and at this moment I believe that while he was tempted and lived a sinless life, how much greater is it that we can say that we have the ability to overcome sin after being born into it. That out of the darkness we have created light through Christ's sacrifice making such things possible. Nothing can boast of such an accomplishment. Think about that for a little while.

Oh so back to the challenge portion of this.... Challenge for Day 5 is to continue to be set apart whatever that may lead me.. join me or don't I know the desire within me is also within you by the very nature of God to lead you to read this. This is especially for you, you know who you are. Enjoy every day, endure what you have to but find the joy in all situations so that you can delight in the Lord and not miss out on what is beneficial for you.

Peace